Holy crap, I thought we had killed the 90s.

There are some people who believe that it's not fair to judge a movie by its promo stills.

I, on the other hand, view promo stills as the company and creative team waving their hands in the air and yelling, "Ooh, ooh. Here's a little taste of things to come. Judge us! Judge us!"

So I'm going to judge the Watchmen movie by the photos released to the internet today.

Before we begin, though, I'd like to point out that Dave Gibbons' art is a major reason why Watchmen is such a timeless and powerful story. His art has and will no doubt continue to age well, as well as the character designs which suit the story and personalities well enough that they don't stand out. As heinous crimes against god and nature, I mean.

The movie has drastically changed all that.

*sigh*

Ozymandias: So we've changed from Veidt looking like a Greco-Roman golden god come to earth to...dark, encumbered leather with an eye over his codpiece? Shit! I'm not fooled, people.

Nite Owl: When I think of Nite Owl's costume, I think of a theater major with the power of super telepathy removing the dorkiest apparel designs from the minds of Batman and Blue Beetle and then tossing it all together into the fabric of reality. Because that's just about exactly what it is. When I see the costume movie!Owl is clad in, I think of those god awful 90s Batman movies with the molded nipples and ice skates popping out of Batman's boots. Dan Dreiberg is not 90s! He is classic! He is not Batman, he is Blue Beetle Man.

Silk Spectre: I want the Juspeczyk costume to be something Laurie can look back on and giggle over. If my beloved Polish heroine wore this in her youth, I'd imagine she'd be more likely to break out the booze than titter. And this is me hoping and praying that the still we see is young!Laurie and not the Laurie in her 30s who'd much rather be wearing leather. (Because Laurie doesn't mind the 90s, you see.)

Rorschach: I'm torn here. Mostly, I see it hard to screw this one up and they haven't...but it's another case of "why on earth are they making this into a movie?" when I see the mask. It just doesn't work for me outside of the comic page. I'm not menaced. Whereas, open any page of the comic and I'm peeing my pants. Or fond. Because Rorschach is like that, you know?

The Comedian: I don't have much to complain about on this one except the same general feeling of this being off. Maybe it's the actor's expression. Oh, and raise your hand if you think including the rape plotline is going to make this movie an offensive mess on top of just being a mess!

There. Feel free to disagree but I'm only further convinced that I will not be spending money on this movie. However, if they create a spinoff sitcom called something like "You, Me, and Rorschach"...I'll be there with microwave popcorn!