Inspired by DCU: Last Will and Testament

I present a list of things that are not, in fact, cool or badass or emotionally powerful in any way:

1. Someone holding their palm over a candle flame. This is especially true if the person is Geo-Force.

2. Moping around the cemetery where your ex-fiance's parents are buried because apparently he's the closest thing to family you have even though there's two married guys you've formed strong platonic ties with recently. And an entire group of twenty-something heroes also. And a woman who is also chilling in a cemetery on the same evening.

3. Standing on a rooftop talking about swooping down to the street below to lay down sweet justice on the criminal element. This is especially true if the person is Batman or Robin. (God, Meltzer, still with the talking instead of doing!)

4. Inexplicably introducing a minor character into an unconventional role, habit, or profession. I would have had an easier time accepting Bruce Wayne as suddenly deciding to become a pseudo priest and holding confession for other heroes than I would seeing a Challenger do the same. Because Batman does a whole bunch of crazy stuff every month but a member of a C-list team that's only sometimes in continuity? No, you just can't do that all of a sudden. (Well, Brad Meltzer can't, at least.)

5. Geo-Force.

6. Dressing Lian Harper up as Speedy and training her. I see a future in mind-altering substances for her already!

7. GEO-FORCE.

8. Using a five-panel page to do what should have been done throughout an entire oversized comic.

9. Deathstroke planning to reenact "The Judas Contract" with Geo-Force and not even taking him out to dinner first.

10. Spending $3.99 on a Deathstroke/Geo-Force comic.

Alternately, things that were not bad:

1. Hal Jordan's backside being green again. Wally West may be straight, married, and raising kids but even he's got to enjoy that view.

2. Captain Cold.

I should complain about something soon.

(Taken from Midtowncomics, obviously.)

So Final Crisis: Superman Beyond is basically going to be the story of Orpheus and Eurydice retold by Grant Morrison using Superman, Lois Lane, and the Multiverse.

In 3-D.

It's times like these that make me want to drop down to my knees and cry in relief that I have become a weekly comic book reader.

(Randomly searching around the internet: I find it hilarious that you can buy a 200+ page novel titled "A Rogue's Revenge" on eBay for 1/3 the price that you can purchase Final Crisis: Rogue's Revenge #1.)

I am so geeked about Legion of 3 Worlds #1.

The only possible way I could express just how delighted I am with this book would be to scan or quote every page and then place next to it a picture of me pointing at my copy, grinning my face off, and giving it the thumbs up.

And then I'd still probably add commentary to my post along the lines of "HOW AWESOME IS THIS" or "Superboy-Prime vs. History. History wins."

Luckily for all of you, my scanner is out of commission at the moment.

A thought for the upcoming issues: even though it won't dampen my joy for this story one bit, I do hope that Geoff Johns surprises me with the lightning rod. I'm not going to be very swept away if Bart Allen pops out of that thing. Now, the pre-Crisis Supergirl? That development would have me running through the streets! I mean, Brainiac 5 has been holding that thing pretty darn close. And he certainly has a penchant for using crazy science to fill the Supergirl-void in his life.

Actually, considering the author, the safest bet is that Hal Jordan will come flying out of the rod to save the day. *g*

DC November Solicits

I'm already on board for all the coordinated Superman books coming out this fall but I'm especially excited for the Guardian of Metropolis special. First of all, the solicit:

"New Krypton" part 3! At last! The true origin of the Guardian of Metropolis is revealed! Following directly on from last month's SUPERMAN'S PAL, JIMMY OLSEN SPECIAL #1, we learn the fantastic and sometimes terrible past of one of DC's most mysterious heroes. How did the first clone of the Golden Age Guardian come into existence at the hands of the Cadmus Project? We'll also introduce a mysterious young girl the Guardian has sworn to protect – even at the expense of the Cadmus Project, and, if need be, his very life!"

Jimmy Olsen! Heroic clones! Cadmus! There is nothing wrong in these concepts. But the aspect that really moves this comic into possible greatness--how exactly does this Guardian choose to protect the mysterious young girl?

(Click to enlarge)

By bringing her along as he roams around town and bursts into people's windows.

YES. I want to see more care taking along these lines. After all, the mysterious young girl is totally primed and ready for window breaking and face punching. It even looks like she has the proper shoes for butt kicking.

This cover better not be lying to me! I'm looking at you, Robinson. You too, Lopestri. Because next year I want a comic featuring Milagro Reyes, Mysterious Young Girl, and Hal Jordan's In-Continuity Niece and I want them fighting crime. Under Misfit's watch.

Other points of interest:

- The replacement trinity featured in the Trinity covers? Now that is a cool idea.

- Am I correct in assuming that the Power Girl series has been pushed back to next year so the creative team can release a Terra miniseries? Damn. I want my Power Girl ongoing! Screw Terra.

- I'd be a lot more interested in "Superman/Supergirl: Maelstrom" if the two Supers' positions were reversed on the cover. And if it made any sense to use New Gods right now. (It really doesn't.)

- I don't know what I'm looking forward to more: reading a Hal Jordan/Phantom Stranger team-up or reading The Absorbascon's comments on it. November seems a long way off.

- Lots of JSA. Whoooo!

- ...Green Lantern #36 is pushed back? So my only Geoff Johns GL fix in October will be the Red Lantern special? Boooo!

- The cover to Showcase Presents: Strange Adventures Vol. 1 is exactly why comics are superior to any other form of storytelling. Ever.